Be Positive When You Take Your Kids Out (...and not positive that things will end badly)

I am generally a very happy person, but one of my biggest faults is that I am an optimist. You may ask "how could that be a problem?"  Well, not only am I an optimist, but I am a Type A personality.  This means that when we go somewhere I naturally expect that it will go according to plan and everyone will be happy.  But, when it comes to children if you always expect the best possible outcome, you set yourself, as well as your kids, up for failure...even before you begin.  

I came to this epiphany when we were taking my first born to the zoo for the first time.  I had imagined that it would be a great day with me introducing him to all of the wonderful animals, we would draw pictures of them in the sketchbooks that I brought and that we would hear how they sounded and we could imitate them. Sounds like a great day, right? Is that even close to what happened. Nope. Did I see some animals?  Yes. Was my son able to see any animals?  Some, but so many of the animals were hidden by the greenery in their cages, or were camouflaged, or they were sleeping.  I tried to point them out to him, but at times it was quite difficult.  Could my son figure out the animals I was trying to show him? At times, yes--but otherwise, not a clue. 

                                 

My son knew all of the zoo animals, and could recognize and name them all in his books. The animals in his books were clearly visible in the middle of the page, defined by a great black key-line and a simple background. Put a live animal in a cage with some foliage and it's like playing "Where's Waldo?" with my dad without his reading glasses!  We made the best of it.  The animals were pretty quiet so we provided our own animal noises.  The sketchbooks were never brought out because as soon as my son discovered the playground he didn't want to do anything else except play in this new Utopia. 

So I made the best of it and sat with all of the other parents whose children had foregone the zoo for a mediocre park. We all tied to make the best of it.  There were, of course, a few snarky comments...me included. Did I have to spend $50 for an hour at the zoo to play in a park that wasn't even half as good as the park across the street from our house? Apparently I did because I learned a lesson that day that I carried through my years of parenting to this day:  don't have preconceptions about how an event should turn out.

If you bring them to the Science Centre with the expectation that it will be a learning experience to rival no other, and you wind up standing in line for an hour for the Aging Machine, this can put stress into a situation that would have been easier to manage if you had taken the Que Sera Sera approach...whatever will be, will be.  I am not saying to leave your "parent hat" at the door, but you have to go with the flow.  Sometimes on Christmas Day the kids just want to play in the boxes and the wrapping paper, and not the gifts that came in those boxes.  If the kids just want to wear their clothes backwards, why not?   It's not hurting anyone, and it is all for them isn't it?

This has been an uphill battle for me.  I have had to struggle to leave my expectations at home when we head out somewhere.  I have learned to be more flexible so that I can adjust to meet the inevitable hiccup in the day.  It's not always easy, but it makes it so much more enjoyable for the kids.  So, why not just let them have their fun, on their terms?  It's these funky days that create the memories that your children will remember. Look back at your own childhood memories and just see if this isn't true.  

Back to School: Get Up and Get Out

Please check out my guest blog at Kiinzel where I talk about ways of encouraging your kids to assume some responsibility for waking up and getting ready for school in the morning.

http://blog.kiinzel.com/2013/09/14/back-to-school-getting-up-and-out/

Crime and Punishment

Our neighborhood has been in the news a lot recently. A lady a few houses down from us woke up to find an intruder in her bedroom. She grabbed her cell phone immediately to call the police and the intruder fled on foot.  They didn't catch him. A few weeks later a couple found a man reaching through their bedroom window. The husband chased the "groper" down the street but couldn't catch him. I have been watching the news and there seem to be more and more crimes reported on the news every day.  We have been told to keep our doors locked and bar our windows, and we do. We take every precaution to keep our family safe.  We street proof our children. We have two extremely vocal dogs.  I wanted to think that we were protected.

As it happens we had a situation last week.  People react differently when they feel that they are in danger. Sometimes people become paralyzed, but this is often the most dangerous reaction as it actually is a failure to react that causes the most harm. Some people flee the situation and it would appear that these people seem to have the best success rate. But what if you are in the house, it is after midnight and all of your kids are in bed? You awake to hear the sound of the door. You aren't quite sure that you heard correctly so you get out of bed and you start to head to the door to make sure it isn't one of the cats, when you hear the door again. Paralysis. Did you lock the door?  Is the burglar picking the lock?  Is he just making sure that the door is locked and that he can't get in?  You don't hear anything again but you know that you have to see if he got into the house. Weapons?  What can I use as a weapon? No baseball bats, samurai swords or any type of weapons in the house at all. There's a broom in the kitchen!  You grab it and head to the door but you don't hear anything further so you head to the front window and see if you can see the burglar.

Well this happened to me just the other night.  After the paralysis subsided, I looked out my front window and saw a man wearing a jean jacket walking from my driveway and onto the street. What do I do?  Do I wake my husband?  No, he has an early morning meeting. Do I call the police?  I have never called the police about a crime in progress before. What if this is the guy who has been breaking into the homes of the neighborhood?  I figured that I had to make a stand and call the police and warn them of a possible criminal in the area. The police officer who answered the phone call was professional and efficient and she said that she would send a car out to check out the neighborhood and they would contact me if they needed more information. My phone rang within 15 minutes.  The police officer told me that they thought that they had apprehended the person that tried to get in our house. He asked if all of my children were home. I panicked. Did this monster hurt one of my children?  I told the officer that my children had gone to bed hours ago but that I would check to see if they were all in bed. The officer paused and said that it probably wasn't necessary as the young man they found said he was my son!  Why would a robber pretend to be my son?  It would be so easy to disprove. What was his game? Suspiciously I asked the officer to find out the man's name. When the police officer came back on the line there was a chuckle in his voice as he said my eldest son's name and that apparently my son couldn't sleep so he went for a walk.  What I had heard was my son leaving the house and not a burglar trying to get in!

I was mortified. I apologized profusely and I am sure I was rapidly turning red with embarrassment. The sweet police officer reassured me that it was all ok and the officers would bring him back home.  I turned on the lights on the front stoop and waited for the arrival of the prodigal son. As his foot touched the driveway I told him that he was grounded...forever!  He looked at me sheepishly and finally smiled when he realized that I wasn't serious.  He followed me inside where we started the discussion about what happened and how we could have avoided this situation.  I am of the opinion that it is very important for us as a family to talk things out after we go through predicaments.  But I never actually thought that I would ever have to call the police on one of my children!  What a night!!

At least we can laugh about it.  But isn't that the best way for everyone to handle difficulties?  

To Model or not to Model?

My daughter has wanted to get into modelling since she was about eight years old, but I was never comfortable with the idea so I did what I could to keep her busy. She danced. She competed in dance.  She socialized with dance friends. And she went to school and slept. But now that she is in an arts high school she is surrounded by talented people...many of whom act, sing or model professionally. It appeared that it was inevitable. The time that we would have to give in was nigh. 

My husband and I believe that there comes a point in children's lives when they have to start making major life decisions...with our guidance, of course.  If children don't start learning how to make decisions when they are small, and develop those skills as they grow, then how can we expect them to make the hard decisions as adults?  It is easier to learn about decision making when the consequences are less life altering and damaging. We started by giving them small decisions when they were young and then as they grew, so did their decision making skills, and we started to give them bigger decisions to make.  

In Kindergarten they got to choose the clothes they wore to school...even if the choice was a tiara or the occasional Snow White costume.  Let me tell you, there were a few of those days with our youngest daughter.  In middle school they got to decide on the future of their extra curricular activities.  Until this point we gave them access to as many extra-curricular activities as possible (drama, fencing, ballet, musical theatre, tap, Aikido, ballroom dancing, etc.)  so that they might choose their own path.  We guided them, but let them take the lead in the decision making process.  By grade eight they got to choose the type of high school they wanted to attend...mainstream, arts based curriculum or gifted curriculum.  So far they have all chosen an arts based curriculum (drama, dance and strings).  In each of the cases we addressed the pros and cons of each of the decisions, and then discussed how to weigh each of the pros and cons.  You remember the saying, "if you love something set it free"...wow!! I couldn't believe how difficult it was to do.

We knew that it was inevitable that our daughter was going to get serious about modelling and bring up the topic at some time or other. But we thought we had more time. Truly we did!

Last week Katie pulled me aside and said she needed to talk to me. A feeling of dread washed over me. What could she want?  A dozen horrible thoughts rapidly rushed through my mind.  As I walked into her room she shut the door behind me. When she smiled I realized that everything was going to be ok. She wasn't getting a tattoo and she wasn't quitting school! She told me that she had done a lot of research about modelling and she had found an excellent modelling agency that had a great reputation.  She had filled out an application and they had called her back a few hours later. She missed the call because she had left her phone behind (quite a rare occurrence). She wanted to know what we should do.  I took a deep breath, looked at her hopeful expression and I quickly thought through the options.  I told her that she should try to call them back.  She had to leave a message because they were closed for the evening.  The next day one of the agents called us back and we made an appointment.  Was this the beginning of the end?  Was I going to lose my sweet darling daughter and gain a pretentious diva?  She has already ventured into dark depths of puberty and we, as parents, have been relatively unscathed at this point. Would modelling change her?  I believe my daughter has enough common sense to stay true to her sweet self.  Would this ruin her, or expand her horizons? Time will tell.  I will keep you updated.

Let Me Introduce Ourselves...

Hi my name is Lisa and I am a mother to four often wonderful children.  I am especially lucky because not only do I have terrific children...I am married to the man of my dreams.  I know this all sounds hokey but don't worry, we still have our ups and downs.  I would like to share some of our experiences with you.  We are quite a lively bunch and I am sure we can keep you entertained.  

Let me introduce ourselves...

I am a stay-at-home mom and a Mompreneur.  I like to keep busy and with our oldest heading off to University this year, we needed a bit of a boost to our income, so I started my own Face Painting and Henna party business.  I have a B.A. in Fine Art History from the University of Toronto.  I have worked as an art instructor, teaching assistant and tutor.  For years I have been doing face painting and henna at our parties and at our friend’s parties.  I started my business soon after a friend of a friend was looking for a face painter for their daughter’s birthday party and my name came up.  I have been having so much fun doing it, I was just sorry that I hadn’t thought of it earlier.  I love working with children and seeing their faces light up when they look into the mirror with their “new face.  It is so very rewarding.  

When I have a bit of spare time, I like to crochet, paint, write children's short stories, and try new crafts.  My happiest time of day is when we all get to sit down to dinner together and we talk about what happened in our days. I love spending time with my family and dinnertime seems to be the time when we are all able to talk openly and share our lives and there are no distractions.

My oldest son is 17 and is heading off to University of Toronto next year and he will be following in his father's footsteps and will be studying Philosophy.  He went to Etobicoke School of the Arts for Drama.  He has been studying drama since he was 6 and has been in several plays and was even in a short film.  When he was in grade 7 he was determined to be gifted.  One might think that being gifted means that his life will be forever easy, but in actuality it means that things get tougher.  Being gifted is a double-edged sword...yes, he learns quickly, but it also means he gets bored quickly.  We were very lucky because many gifted children aren’t very socially adept, but he is extremely charming and is so very funny. 

My oldest daughter is 15 and is an accomplished dancer and is currently at ESA. She started dancing when she was 4 and she competed for 7 years in ballet, jazz, tap, and musical theatre.  She has even competed in Cheerleading and Ballroom.  She has danced with Ballet Jorgen, Blake McGrath, and Tre Armstrong (A New DAEI).  She has danced in two promotional events for Ralph Lauren perfumes.  She wants to get into modelling but I am unsure about the safety of the industry.  She is a bright and lively young lady who has a wicked sense of humour.

My youngest son is 13 years old and he is going to ESA next year for violin. He used to dance with his sisters and he competed for 5 years in ballet, jazz, tap and musical theatre.  He was an amazing dancer, but peer pressure made it difficult for him to continue past grade 7.  Luckily he discovered his love of the violin as his love of dance waned.  He, like his older brother, was determined to be gifted and attended a gifted school.  It was here that they cultivated his talent for violin and he played in Massey Hall with the TDSB Strings Orchestra.  He has a gregarious personality and an off-beat sense of humour.

My youngest daughter is 11 years old and she started dancing when she was 3 years old and was in her first dance competition when she was 4.  She competed for 5 years.  While she was dancing she took acting classes and was in a few plays.  She appeared on “Artzooka,” a craft show for kids, and she was interviewed about the future of Toronto for a Discovery Channel special.  She has excelled at everything that she has tried, but hasn’t decided yet what art form she will focus on.  She is extremely charming and sweet and loves animals.

So that's us.  We are artsy.  We are crafty.  We are funny.  And we hope that you come back to read all about us.